


On the Edge

by Sammyismyhero



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Big Brother Dean, Blood, Cutting, Gen, Guns, Hallucinations, Hurt Sam Winchester, Knives, Possessive Lucifer, Protective Dean Winchester, Rape/Non-con Elements, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-17
Updated: 2011-12-21
Packaged: 2018-01-12 04:47:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1182100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sammyismyhero/pseuds/Sammyismyhero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Bobby died, what if Sam wasn't okay, what if he was so vulnerable in that moment that his mind betrayed him. Dean takes Sam to the cabin to unwind after burying Bobby but he quickly realizes that he's in danger of losing the most important person in his life. Dean has to protect Sam at all costs, but how to do you protect someone from themselves?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bobby's dead?

"He's crashing!" yelled the blonde nurse as the doctor and more nurses flooded the room and crowded around Bobby Singer.

"Bobby!" was heard over the commotion as Sam and Dean Winchester were ushered out of the room where their guardian, mentor and second father lay... dieing.

In Dean's head everything became silent. The sound of his own heartbeat was booming in his ears and the high pitched wail of the flat line seemed to consume him. More nurses pushed past him and his brother running into Bobby's room trying to save him. Though they were standing far away from Bobby's room that flat line seemed to have burrowed into his skull making it the only noise in his world.

They did their best to peer in when, suddenly the doctor working on Bobby ceased his compressions and the nurses began to back off with a somber and sorrowful expression on their faces. The flat line seemed to grow louder and more piercing.

"Why are you stopping?" Shouted Dean suddenly as he started walking into the room where Bobby lay dieing or dead. The flat line threatened to make his head explode but his fury carried him on.

"Sir hes gon-" Started a nurse but Dean ignored her and walked in front of the doctor

"Keep going hes not dead, one bullet can not, will not kill Bobby Singer!" he yelled grabbing the doctor by his coat, enraged by the fact that these people were giving up.

"Sir please" began pleading the doctor visibly frightened by Dean. Before he could say anything else Deans fist connected with his face. The doctor fell back onto machines and slid down to the floor. Nurses began calling for security when Sam rushed in trying to calm everyone. He grabbed Dean who stood just steaming with anger and pulled him out back far enough for the staff to be comfortable. The flat line was so loud Dean could barely hear himself think.

Dean freed himself from Sam's grasp and rubbed his temples waiting for his brother's complaining to begin when he suddenly noticed the flat line had ceased, it was too silent, terrifyingly so. His face fell as he turned and looked into Bobby's room where the nurses were covering him with a sheet and turning off all the monitors. They had given up... Bobby was gone.

Sam was thinking about what he could say to Dean. He wasn't mad at Dean for acting how he had, he was just so heartbroken Bobby was never going to wake up. Sam couldn't even meet Deans gaze and stood utterly defeated, "Dean..."

Before Sam could get any more words out Dean turned and slammed the glass doors open almost shattering them and walked away without a second glance at Sam. He couldn't stand to be around anyone at that moment, and seeing Sam's body hunched over in defeat at losing Bobby was too much for him to bear. He needed his anger to carry him a bit further before his whole world came crashing down.

Dean moved at a steady and purposeful pace out of the hospital. He could feel it rising in his chest, that darkness spreading like a disease seeking to consume to him. He walked down the steps and turned onto the lawn walking beside the building far from the rest of the world. He could feel the anger, the hopelessness, the disappoint he felt at not being able to save Bobby. They should have all ran out of that warehouse together! Suddenly he started hitting the brick wall, punch after punch, he felt the tears rise up he was so angry, angry that Bobby was gone, angry that everyone he loved died, angry that he couldn't seem to escape this pit he was falling into. He stopped and leaned on the wall sliding down until he was sitting. His head hung low as he let the tears fall from his eyes. Hand bloodied, he was broken and lost and he had no clue how to help himself or his brother or if he even could. After losing Bobby he was beginning to think he couldn't go on.

* * *

 

Inside Sam spoke to the doctor and signed paperwork so they would make arrangements to have Bobby transferred to Sioux Falls cemetery by the end of the week. Once the doctor left Sam leaned onto the windowsill worried about Dean. It hadn't fully hit him yet or at least he didn't want it to... the fact that Bobby was gone. He thought about Dean, he knew his brother was not alright. Dean had such few things to make his life worthwhile and with Bobby gone that list became a whole lot shorter and that scared Sam.

"Hey buddy boy, long time no see," heard Sam. He felt someone next to him... Lucifer

"Aw poor Sammy your little friends gone and died on you," said Lucifer as he walked smugly looking in at Bobby and then standing in front of Sam. Sam avoided his gaze and pressed his palm furiously.

"Hand trick wont work Sam," said Lucifer bending to find Sam's frightened gaze, "I told you I was here to stay," he smirked.

Sam began walking away when he was confronted by Lucifer again, Why won't it work he thought desperately pushing his palm fiercely

"Hey Sammy i told you if you want to escape this nightmare you know what to do," said Lucifer as he pantomimed putting a gun to his head and pulling the trigger

"Get away from me!" Sam screamed at no one

Everyone in the emergency room stopped and turned to look at him frightened by this large mans outburst.

"Um sir are you OK?" Asked a nurse looked concerned at him

Sam kept his head down, embarrassed at his outbreak, "uh yea... Sorry."

He walked off quickly into the nearest bathroom. He leaned over the sink and breathed heavily, he splashed cold water on his face and wished Dean was around to ground him, to reassure him that this was real but he knew his brother needed to be alone. When Lucifer reared his head Sam felt himself recoil and lose control. He felt himself become so defenseless like a child because in reality he knew how defenseless he truly was. How could he protect himself from... nothing, from no one, from hallucinations... how could he protect himself against his own mind.

He heard the door open and dreaded the presence of someone real or not, "uh... Sam you okay son?"

Sam gripped the sides of the ceramic sink, he recognized that familiar voice... It couldn't be. Sam looked up slowly and there he was... Bobby. Head bandaged, still in his hospital gown but standing right there in front of him.

"They told me you were in here" said Bobby as he let the door shut and smiled at Sam. Sam could see the concern and love in Bobby's eyes. He could even hear the love in his voice. A part of Sam wanted to warn him, he may not be real, but Sam wanted to believe so badly for himself and Dean.

"But...but you died Bobby,"

"Well i ain't boy, wheres Dean?"

"Hes..."

"Well find him and lets go home"

Sam didn't care if this was a hallucination or not, whatever cruel trick this might be, it didn't matter, It was Bobby. Sam went right to him and hugged him tightly, holding onto Bobby for dear life. He became more and more positive that it was all real, he felt so real beneath him, he could feel his ragged breathing and his increasing heartbeat, he could smell the stale odor of whiskey. _This must be Bobby, he's really alive!_

"Whoa there Sam, you tryin to kill me... again!"

Sam let go, "sorry Bobby...I'm just... really glad you're okay." He said stifling back tears

Bobby smiled and patted Sam's cheek reassuring him, "go on find your brother, and lets get out of here"

Sam walked out of the bathroom and set about looking for Dean, _c'mon_ _Dean Bobby's alive, hes alive!_ Sam thought to himself as he picked up the pace. He was excited to have Bobby back but even more excited to be the bearer of amazing news to Dean. Enough horrible things had happened to them already and this was just what they needed especially Dean.


	2. Where's Sam?

Dean found himself walking down main street. His hand throbbed and was covered in drying blood for a moment he thought he may have finally managed to break it but as he flexed his sore knuckles he realized that he hadn't. His eyes were bloodshot but tears ceased to escape them. He looked ragged, as if he just aged 10 years in 10 minutes and he felt as he had.

He kept walking, kept his head down trying to remember the last time he was happy, he couldn't think of one moment where he was truly happy or felt unburdened. It seemed as though the hits just kept on coming without a reprieve and how much more could he take? Was this a test? Was this to see how much til he broke? Were there people pulling the strings behind the scenes? He could rack himself with questions and guilt for eternity but in the end Bobby was still dead, Cas was still dead, his father, his mother, Ellen, Joe, Ash, everyone he had ever known was dead. And Sam... Sam was irreparable, Sam was hanging on a string and Dean knew it. He suddenly stopped, 'I should go make sure Sam's okay' he thought. In his grief he had completely forgotten about his brother and the fact that he was so fragile, with Lucifer always behind the scenes doing god knows what to his brother. He turned, shoved his hands in his pockets and with a sense of purpose began walking back to the hospital.

* * *

Sam had scoured the entire hospital, he flew down the steps onto the sidewalk, "Dean!" he shouted but Dean was no where to be found. Sam brushed his hair out of his eyes and sighed, _Dean where did you go_  he thought looking up and down the street.

"Hey Sam, find Dean?" asked Bobby as he walked down the steps dressed and putting his hat on carefully over his bandaged wound.

"Bobby, they're letting you go?" asked Sam shocked going to help Bobby down the rest of the steps

"Yea, something about miraculous recovery. I hate hospitals I'd rather go back to the cabin, plus I can't take another cup of apple sauce" Bobby said brushing Sam off and walking over to the van.

"But Dean..." started Sam as he followed Bobby still searching for Dean amongst the pedestrians.

"That idjit will find his way home, I left a message with the nurses to tell him to go to the cabin" Bobby said as he opened the passengers side and got in closing the door in Sam's face practically.

Sam grabbed the keys out of his pocket and went to the drivers side, he didn't like leaving Dean but Bobby needed to rest and wanted to go home. He found Bobby different but attributed it to the gun shot wound, obviously a person isn't quite the same after that. He got in and began driving.

* * *

Dean walked into the hospital expecting to see Sam near Bobby's room brooding as always but he was no where to be found. He saw the doctor approaching him and he really did not want to get side tracked.

"Hey... look sorry about earlier" started Dean apologizing for clocking the doctor earlier

"It's alright, I know this is a difficult time for you and your family. Your brother signed the paperwork to have mister Singer moved to Sioux Falls Cemetery. He should be transferred by the end of the week. The funeral home there will call you when he's arrived"

"Thank you" said Dean "Can I see him one last time?" he said without thinking he just felt he needed to say goodbye.

"Sure wait here"

Dean went up to the nurses counter, "Excuse me have you seen my brother, really tall, long hair?"

"Yes he left a while ago, um he was talking to himself a lot" said the nurse looking concerned

"uh... yea we just lost our uncle" said Dean and the nurse gave him a comforting 'im sorry for your loss, look.

Dean walked back to the chairs,  _Talking to yourself? Dammit Sam_  Dean thought. He was about to run out to find Sam when the doctor appeared.

"This way" he ushered Dean into a room farther down the corridor where they had moved Bobby. The doctor let Dean into the room and left him alone. Bobby looked so pale, all the life gone from his body. The bullet wound was sowed shut and the blood cleaned up. Besides the head wound he looked like nothing had happened. Dean stood by Bobby's bedside still not fully believing that Bobby was gone.

"Bobby I'm... sorry" said Dean fighting back the tears "I want to stay and find those bastards and kill them in ways you can't even imagine but Sam... I think he's in trouble Bobby." Dean touched Bobby's cold hand, "Bobby... thanks for always being there for us, I know you were worried I had given up but... I won't Bobby" with that Dean stormed out of the room and the hospital. He stood on the bottom steps surveying the people traffic for Sam. He searched to his right for the van but it was gone.  _Dammit Sam!_  Dean cursed his brother in his head and set about looking for a car to hi jack.

* * *

"Dean where are you? We're on our way to the cabin meet us there" said Bobby as he hung up leaving Dean a message.

"Nothing?" asked Sam

"Nope, I left him a message don't worry Sam" Bobby gave him a reassuring smile and Sam felt comforted. They were almost at the cabin he was certain Dean couldn't be too far behind.

* * *

"Sam! Where are you!" Dean yelled into the phone leaving another message. He was increasingly getting more and more worried. He wondered where Sam could be driving to, what could possess his brother to leave without him... but he suspected already that Sam was not in the drivers seat, at least not metaphorically. "Lucifer... Damit it Sam! Why did you leave without me!" Dean said as he slammed the wheel. Dean thought of that night at the warehouse with Sam shooting randomly at nothing and almost at him. He pushed his foot down harder on the pedal.

* * *

Sam pushed open the front door and let Bobby in and pulling out a chair so Bobby could sit.

"ahh, feels good to be away from that hospital" said Bobby as he sat down and took off his cap placing it on the table

Sam took his jacket off, "You need anything Bobby?" he said as he walked to the kitchen and put the coffee pot on. He felt so relaxed, more relaxed than he has been in months. It felt good to put behind the night's ordeal.

"Now that you mention it Sammy I would like something very much... your brain splattered on the wall"

Sam froze... he slowly turned and Bobby was gone, Lucifer sat in his place with a smug smile staring intently at Sam. Sam braced himself by the kitchen sink not quite believing what he was seeing as Lucifer stood up and twirled

"Miss me Sammy"

"No! No... No! Where's Bobby?" Sam shrieked terrified, quickly shrinking in Lucifer's presence.

"Bobby? Oh Sammy you are just too easy. Bobby's dead! You've been with me this whole time" said Lucifer walking up to Sam looking very smug

"No, no, no this can't be happening to me again" said Sam pressing his palm when Lucifer suddenly grabbed him in a choke hold pushing him hard up against the kitchen sink lifting him off his feet.

"tsk tsk tsk Sammy what did I tell you, hand trick won't work anymore, oh Sam why won't you understand. Your brother isn't going to come save you this time Sammy, you're all alone... with me. It's like the cage all over again, oh goody for me"

Sam gasped for air, he could feel Lucifer's grip tighten. As he heard Lucifer laughing in delight, visions of hell began to spill out from the recesses of his mind. He had lost all control. The fire, the pain, the torture, it was all spilling forth. He squeezed his eyes tight as he saw himself in the cage, felt the hot pokers, felt his skin being filleted off, seeing Lucifer create images of his loved ones only to torture and kill them in front of him as well. He couldn't hold any of it back. He knew he had to do something to stop it all. He began grasping for anything near him, he started feeling lightheaded, his nose was bleeding heavily he could feel it, the pounding in his head was so loud, his eyes burned with the visions of fire. His hand frantically grasped at the counter top until he felt something cold and metal, a knife!

"Sammy, you can't escape me" Lucifer taunted. Sam could feel his breath on his face and his chuckling was so loud in his head. Sam gripped the blade of the knife and squeezed feeling the knife cut into his palm almost to the bone. Lucifer began to start blinking out of existence. The grip released and he fell to the floor, crumpled down in a bloody heap.

"Sammy... you won't get rid of me that easily you know that" Sam heard Lucifer's voice echoing throughout the house. He grabbed the knife and began slicing his forearm until Lucifer was gone, his voice was gone.

Sam let his head hang low, the visions stopped but they were in the background of his mind, a constant stream of destruction and his own blood curdling screams. His eyes were hot with tears, he could taste the blood that had trickled down into his mouth from his nose and was now staining his shirt. He could feel blood pouring out of his veins from his wounds, he had really done a number on himself. His wounds burned as they breathed along with him, he was fighting to get air into his lungs but it seemed every breath he took was laced with blood. He began to feel dizzy and lightheaded, his pants felt wet, probably with blood he thought. He had believed that Bobby was still alive... that Bobby had lived... he should have known better he said to himself. He was so mad at himself for letting Lucifer trick him, but he knew that he wanted to be tricked, in his anger he slammed his head against the cabinets with all the force left in his body. He shut his eyes tight and let the tears slip from them as he slowly faded into darkness.


	3. Doesn't Look Good

Dean had discovered Sam was at the cabin, he had persuaded Sam to leave his gps on in case Lucifer took the wheel unexpectedly. Sam had felt like a child letting Dean keep track of him but left it alone knowing that as well as he was doing Lucifer could come back at any moment. Dean approached and saw the van parked in the driveway. He exited the car and took the steps two at time up to the cabin and burst in ready to berate Sam for taking off and causing him to worry. The first thing he saw was Bobby's hat on the table

"Sam..." Dean said as he stepped in letting the door close and looked to his right. Instantly Dean felt all the blood rush out of his face as he saw the bloody mess before him.

There was blood everywhere, falling from the counter top down the cabinets and onto a thickening pool on the floor beside Sam, he had lost consciousness. Dean could see Sam's bloodied arm and hand, the blood pouring over his brothers leg and onto the floor, it looked as if he had been clawed by a werewolf. Sam was hunched over, Dean couldn't see his face or his chest rising, his hair matted against his head with blood. Dean felt bile rise up into his throat, he felt panic surge through his chest, he felt as though the cabin walls were falling away, like his whole life was about to shatter. He steadied himself against the table, his knees weak and ready to give way but he tried to regain his strength and control his panic. He felt so sick seeing his brother battered on the floor, it looked as though Sam had lost a fight with whatever he had battled against.

"Sam..." the image of brother hunched over dead suddenly became too real and in two long strides Dean was crouching beside Sam. He kept calling Sam's name afraid to touch him and discover his brother had died. He gently lifted Sam's head placed his shaking hand in front of Sam's nose to feel for a sign of breathing, there was. Dean felt helpless upon seeing his brothers battered face, dry tears had left tracks on his bloodied cheeks.

Dean felt his panic subside a bit at the realization that his brother was breathing, he instantly let his worry for Sam be the driving force behind his actions. He took his jacket off and set about lifting Sam. He swung Sam's good arm over his shoulder and lifted Sam, struggling to drag his over sized brother to the bathroom, "Dammit Sammy! Why can't you be normal people sized!" said Dean as he laid his brother against the tub. Deans short lived quip faded as he set about the difficult and heart wrenching task of cleaning Sam up.

He started with Sam's arms, there were about 10 slashes on his arm. Thankfully they were all quick clumsy slashes and none were deep enough to need stitching so he bandaged them with gauze. He leaned Sam's head back over the tub and started washing the blood from his hair. Dean remembered being a kid and washing Sam's hair much the same way. He wished they could be kids again, he wished that all this wasn't happening. He wished that his brother didn't have to relive hell every day. Finally he started gently wiping at his face. Dean relaxed as he wiped the blood from Sam's face. He stood to rinse out the towel, as he watched the brown water hit the sink and flow down he felt the pang of sorrow in his chest. He looked down at Sam, broken, wondering what had happened, what had his hallucinations done to him. He looked like a child, like his little brother, they only had each other and Dean knew he had to take better care of Sammy. He knelt back down and finished cleaning up the blood. When he was done Dean lifted Sam again and carried him to the bed laying him down gently. Dean collapsed in a nearby chair and waited for his brother to open his eyes. He didn't care his clothing had gotten dirtied by Sam's blood, he didn't care he was sweaty and tired. He would sit by his brother until he woke up.

Dean stayed awake and alert practically the whole night. Every now and again it seemed as though Sam shifted but Dean thought perhaps his lack of sleep was causing him to see things. Eventually at dawn after more than 2 days of no sleep he passed out slumped in the chair.

* * *

Sam saw flashes of hellfire, of hooks being shoved into his flesh, of being set afire, of being cut open, of being devoured and made whole again to only suffer again. He could feel every hack and slash so profoundly his skin being cut open and peeled off his body. Suddenly his eyes shot open and as everything came into focus he realized he was in the cabin, in bed staring up at the cracked ceiling. The faintest light was coming through the curtained window. His head and arm throbbed and ached with pain. He scooted up the bed and sat up, then he noticed Dean. Dean was sleeping hunched over in the chair, he looked terrible Sam thought. Sam cringed all of a sudden keeping the visions at bay and trying to push them out. He couldn't believe he had to re-train himself, re-shove those memories back into the recesses of his mind.

He looked at Dean and wondered in what condition his brother had found him in. Not a pretty one he assumed the last thing he remembered was going all psycho slasher on his own arm. He was sure enough of Dean being real but in the corners of his vision it almost looked as though the room was falling away into fire. He rubbed his eyes and looked around seeing that everything was stationary. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood up slowly trying to make no noise so Dean could sleep. Straightening himself up he stretched and walked to the bathroom. The sink was covered in dried brown water, the floor was stained with blood along with bloodied towels littering the floor. Sam perched himself on the sink and all of a sudden felt ashamed that Dean had to go through that. His own brother had to have been so scared. He splashed water on his face and looked at himself, he looked horrible. There were dark circles under his eyes, he looked so thin, his cheeks sunken in a bit, his eyes were slightly bloodshot and his nose still had some dried blood around it. He closed his eyes willing away the impending doom from his mind and sighed heavily.

"Sam! Sammy!" Sam heard Dean yell frantically from the room

"Dean I'm in here" Sam called when Dean appeared and sighed leaning up against the frame relieved that Sam was alright

"Sorry De-" Sam started sounding ashamed but Dean walked to him embracing him tightly. Sam ignored the pain and hugged Dean back

"It's okay Sammy, I'm just glad you're fine" said Dean letting Sam go, "Hey... hey how bout some food, I'm starving" said Dean patting Sam's chest and avoiding his brothers gaze. Sam followed his brother out feeling heavy with guilt at being the cause for Dean's worry again. The kitchen had no trace of blood or trauma. Sam sat at the table as Dean opened the fridge.

"So what happened?" asked Dean tentatively

Sam rubbed his arm, the wounds had already started to itch. He let out a sigh, "At the hospital I... I saw Lucifer... then... then Bobby... I thought Bobby was alive Dean... I know I'm an idiot for believing that... but it was so real Dean" He wouldn't look at Dean, it was too painful.

Dean rubbed his face, he couldn't imagine how brutal it was for Sam. After all hell was terrible for himself, he still had nightmares every now and again but he didn't hallucinate. He didn't have the devil lurking in the dark crevices of his mind and he hadn't been in hell for almost 200 years like Sam. He couldn't blame Sam for taking off and believing Bobby was alive. He knew he might have believed it as well.

"I drove back here and then Lucifer appeared again, I hadn't been with Bobby at all. I tried to make it stop Dean but I couldn't the only way I knew how was with pain..." Sam looked at his arm and flexed it feeling the wounds breathe and stretch under the gauze

"It's okay Sam" Dean said as he turned his back to Sam and began preparing sandwiches.

Sam could see the disappointment in Deans shoulders. Even though his brother wasn't outright mad at him he knew that he was burdening Dean. He could see that Dean felt as though he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"That's right Sammy, look at Dean, how long are you going to weigh him down and give him more grief" Said Lucifer as he appeared beside Sam. Sam straightened up immediately.

Lucifer walked over to Dean, "I mean poor Dean, he's thinking how you can't be fixed Sammy... How there's no hope for you" Sam started squeezing his arm and pushing on his scars.

"Sammy, Sammy, when are you just going to give in already!" stated Lucifer as he stabbed Dean in the side with a knife

Sam shut his eyes and pushed down as hard as he could feeling his wounds open with new life. He opened his eyes and Lucifer was gone, blood had seeped up through the gauze and was visible. He pulled his sleeve down and breathed heavily trying to get a grip.


	4. Sam on the Run Again

Over the next few days, the boys buried Bobby at Sioux Falls cemetery. Deep down they wished, like Dean's revival, Bobby might be saved and he would need his body if that happened. Nothing was said all day before and after the burial, they had no priest or anyone else in attendance, they both quietly said their goodbyes and stayed until the caretakers finished covering his casket with dirt.

They laid low in the cabin knowing that they did not have the strength to begin seeking out the Leviathans and starting a war they were not mentally prepared for. The few first nights were the toughest, Sam would wake in cold sweats from visions of horror and hellfire. Lucifer always appeared to him at least once a day but he was learning to keep him away more effectively. Dean was always at hand but Sam did not want to over burden his brother needlessly so he wouldn't tell his brother every hallucination that occurred. Sometimes Dean wouldn't sleep at all, always watching over Sam making sure his brother didn't check out. They stayed in this exhausting routine for days. They both were tired and worn out from the constant fear of uncertainty.

"Hey Sammy I'm going for a food run alright" called Dean. He decided that he could not watch Sam 24 hours a day, some short separation might be good.

"Yea sure Dean" replied Sam as he hung up his laundry

As soon as the door shut, "Hey Sammy, miss me" Lucifer stated as he leaned on the door behind Sam

"You're not real" said Sam tensing up not looking behind him

"Oh sure Sam, but I can still have fun, you didn't think I was gone now did you?" said Lucifer plopping down on the bed in front of Sam

Sam tried to ignore Lucifer as best he could, 'hurry Dean' Sam said to himself as he turned to hang up his shirts in the closet

* * *

Dean exited the Impala and looked at his car, it had been a long while without his baby and he was glad to have at least something familiar back in his life. He opened the trunk to grab the groceries when he suddenly heard shouting inside the cabin and rushed up the steps.

* * *

Lucifer laughed at Sam "Oh Sammy what? Have I upset you?" he asked as he stood at the front door

"Shut up already! Why won't you get out of my head!" screamed Sam

"Because Sammy I'm here to stay" taunted Lucifer as he started laughing

Sam held his head in panic, "No! No No!" he yelled he thought he had things under control... apparently he was far away from control as he could get. He scrambled into their duffel bag and pulled out his gun and fired a shot at Lucifer

But instead of hearing nothing he heard a crash... it was Dean. He had collided with the door frame, as he was clutching his arm

"Dean!" said Sam as he started walking towards his brother in a panic, he stopped cold in his tracks when Dean shot him a look of pain, anger, and intensity.

"What the hell Sam? Why are you shooting in the cabin?"

"Dean... I'm sorry"

Dean straightened himself out and looked at his wound, the bullet had passed straight through his shoulder, he would only need to sow it up and cauterize it. He covered it again to stop the bleeding.

"Sam whatever your seeing there's no need to grab a gun! You could have killed me! Again! Dammit Sam" Dean said sternly applying more pressure to his wound as he stepped inside the cabin. Sam traced his brothers movements as Dean grabbed a shirt and took his jacket off creating a temporary bandage for his wound. "I thought you were okay Sam, I thought it would be alright to leave you alone for an hour but I guess Satan is still in the building!" Dean refused to look at his brother he was so furious

Sam felt like a child. "I'm sorry..." he felt tears as he watched his brother, he knew Dean was angry, he knew Dean had lost all trust in him again. He was a danger to himself and his brother. He could be the death of Dean... everyone around him died...

"Run Sammy, you know what to do" whispered Lucifer's voice in Sam's ear

In one swift movement Sam was out the door and running towards the woods, hearing Deans fading voice screaming his name.

* * *

"Dammit Sam!" yelled Dean as he finished tying up his wound and bolted out the door after his brother

* * *

Sam ran until his lungs ached and he breathed fire, until his legs burned and he could barely feel his feet. He ran until he collapsed and tears finally fell from his eyes. Was Lucifer right? Did everyone he love die? Jess, mom, dad, Bobby, Ellen, Joe, the list was endless it seemed. The only person left was Dean... how long before he was the death of him too. Dean had already died countless times before and he was powerless to stop them... he knew that. Gabriel had made him realize when it came to his brother, he was always powerless to save him.

"Oh Sammy, feeling sorry for yourself again aren't you?" said Lucifer as he leaned against a nearby tree.

Sam glared at him, "Shut up! Just leave me alone"

"Oh no Sammy, I never will" he taunted leaning down towards Sam

Sam lifted his head to say something but Lucifer was gone. He was alone, always alone and then he realized he still had the gun in his hand. He looked at it, felt the weight of it in his hands. He had almost killed Dean, how could he live with himself if he ever caused something horrible to happen to his brother. He pulled back the safety and the chamber loading the next bullet and pointed it at his heart.


	5. Finally Gone

Dean ran through the woods panicking internally thinking about what Sam might do. As he ran he felt more and more helpless, more and more out of control. He felt blood running down his arm but it didn't matter, he needed to find Sam, tell him it's okay, tell him he's sorry for getting mad, tell him anything to make it right. Dean caught sight of Sam and was relieved but as he approached he saw his little brother on the ground trembling.

"Sam!" cried Dean

Sam kept his eyes shut as he heard his brother approaching and gripped the gun tighter pressing it painfully hard into his chest cavity.

"Don't come any closer Dean!" he shouted causing Dean to stop in his tracks. Dean circled Sam standing in front of him. His heart sank, Sam had his eyes shut tight, his hair matted against his forehead by sweat and his cheeks were wet with tears, his little brother was trembling as he gripped the gun with both hands against his chest.

"Sam... what are you thinking?" asked Dean with a twinge of anger in his voice that made Sam flinch and frown

Sam sniffled and shook slightly, "I have to Dean... it's the only way to stop everything"

"What do you mean Sam, stop what?"

"Everyone from dieing... you from dieing" said Sam finally opening his eyes and looking at his brother with determination, which frightened Dean for a moment.

"Dieing? Sam I'm not going anywhere"

"Everyone who gets near me dies, you can't say differently Dean"

"Is that what Lucifer is telling you?"

Sam nodded and gripped the gun harder. Dean knelt down on the ground in front of Sam trying to think of how best to stop his brother from making a fatal mistake.

"Hey! I told you before, you have to believe me, no matter what. I'm not dieing, and the people we love didn't die because of you... this is the job, everyone knows that it ends bloody. Being a hunter means not knowing if you'll live to see the next hunt, every one we've ever known knew that"

"You can't say that Dean, I almost killed you before" Said Sam, his grip on the gun loosening

"But you didn't, and I'm fine, just a flesh wound" said Dean showing Sam that he could still move his arm just fine

"But what about next time Dean!" said Sam renewing his firm hold on the gun

"There won't be a next time, you weren't trying to shoot at me were you now Sammy?" said Dean the desperation slipping out in his words

"Of course not Dean! But... but you cant guarantee... I cant guarantee that next time I'll be able to tell the difference!" Sam said pleading with Dean

"I know that... look I know things are unraveling but, remember, we're stronger together"

"But Dean... what if next time its worse... what if next time I get you killed... or kill you myself" said Sam sadly

"Well I will be there to help you, its you and me against the world right. You''re the only person I can trust Sam... you're the only one who has my back. You aren't going to leave me alone in this crap shoot now are you"

Sam could see the heartbreak in Dean's eyes, even though everything in his head was screaming pull the trigger he'll thank you later, Sam lowered the gun. He had fought for so long along side his brother, he had fought to escape his own hell so as to not leave his brother alone, how could he turn his back on Dean now and give up. He looked at his brother and felt sane for the first time in days. After everything they had been through, Dean was right, they were stronger together. As much as he wanted to spare Dean, how long would his brother last without him, without anyone. Sam knew abandoning Dean was the worst thing that he could do.

"Now give me the gun Sam" said Dean stretching out his good arm

Sam looked at the gun and put the safety on and placed it in Dean's palm, "I'm sorry Dean" he said as he let go of the gun. Dean got up slowly relieved that he had talked Sam off the ledge, "It's okay Sammy, now how bout we go back and eat I'm starving, I bought burgers" said Dean losing himself in thinking about his delicious comfort food and letting a stupid grin flash across his face

Sam looked up at his brother and smirked as he stood up. Maybe things would get better and they can find normalcy one day, Sam thought.

"First lets get you patched up" said Sam giving his brother a concerned look

"Oh yea... almost forgot about that" said Dean smirking and walking off

Sam sighed at his brother and followed him. He had been trying to spare his brother more stress and grief but he finally managed to come to the conclusion that he needed Dean to keep him grounded. As much as he needed it he knew he couldn't be that pillar of stability for Dean.

"Hey pick up the pace jerkface, before I bleed out over here!" called Dean

Sam smiled knowing Dean was trying to lighten the situation, so he fell into place next to his brother, "You okay?" asked Sam as he took in the sight of Deans bloody arm still feeling responsible for the injury.

"You okay?" asked Sam as he took in the sight of Deans bloody arm.

"Yea, just a little woozy from the blood loss"

"Sorry about that" said Sam combing his hair with his hand and looking ashamed that he let his hallucinations get the better of him

"Hey, we're past it, it wasn't your fault" Dean said smiling without looking at Sam "You just caught me off guard, next time ill just have to kick your ass" said Dean smiling smugly. Sam just smirked.

They continued to walk in silence but in the end they both felt relief. Relieved that they were both alive and okay. They would hurt, they would both feel pain, grief, anger and helplessness but they had each other to stay strong and bear through it all for all the people they had lost. It would be how they honor them. Their deaths would not be in vain, they had all made them stronger and they would use that strength to fight for what was right.

I mean it's always been up to them to make things right, because if they didn't save the world no one would. They sure as hell weren't hunters for the gratitude, they were hunters because it was in their blood. And blood is thicker than any kind of hell that gets thrown their way.

_The End_


End file.
